My adventure of confronting a social norm was personally challenging. The day of my deviance project - I procrastinated until it was all I could think about. I enlisted my daughter's help in transforming my very stereotypical middle America look to one who didn't know or care that she broke the pregnancy norm. I wore my little black wig, dark make-up, big jewelry, a tight black tank, a short jean skirt and black boots along with a baby bump....For extra strangness, I decided to bring a baby doll along "to practice" being a mother. I also tucked a pack of cigarettes into my tank top strap.....and yes, I smoked one outside of the Safeway door.
I made my way inside Safeway where I carefully chose only junk food. Oh yes...I picked it up and would smile at it and say "umm yum" as I rubbed my belly. I do not think that a single person didn't at least see me....and turn away. There was a man who was intrigued by appearance and followed me an isle or two...he did the classic up and down. People did double and triple takes of my appearance. One particularly busy aisle I took a deep breathe and made my way down the aisle and there was a woman who was pushing her child in a stroller and choosing items for her family. I commented "Oh, what a pretty baby!" as I rubbed my belly...she put back her item back and immediately pushed her child out of the aisle. Another woman who was unrelated to her actually burst out loud in laughter. I made my way over to the beer and picked out a cheap brand and looked at the label as I put it into my cart where a man stopped and watched until I looked him in the eye and he walked away. I had enough and decided to call it quits at Safeway. I walked out of the store and knew my daughter was about 75 feet behind me when I heard a cart gatherer say something to her. She gets into the jeep and suggests that we go and as we drive away I ask her what he said. He asked her, "Is that woman suppose to look like that?" She pretended she had no idea who he was referring to.
I wanted to know if a store of stereotypical lower socio-economic status would have people be more or less judgmental than the Safeway and so we made our way to Wal-Mart. This time I smoked a cigarette on my way into the store....a car actually stopped driving and both people starred and pointed and were clearly getting a kick out of me. I walked in and made my way straight to the beer isle occasionally picking up junk food in the center isle. A mom and her daughter were buying flavor waters and the mom did a really good job trying to cover her surprise at my appearance...as I made my way around the corner I saw the mom admonishing the daughter and as I looked into the mom's eyes, I knew it was because of me. I continued to walk the aisles putting things into my cart and continued to try and make eye contact and smile at people. Three different parents tucked their children behind them as I walked by, every single couple had one of them whispering to the other and that one's head would whip around and look at me. A man followed me through the whole store! I decided to shop other departments....I tried on hats, I went and picked up nutri-slim and condoms and you should have seen the looks!
My conclusion is that people of all socio-economic backgrounds are judgmental but my experience is that those of lower backgrounds were not only judgmental but much more vocal and obvious in their censor of who I presented. I did not encounter one kind or caring person or anyone who was willing to engage me in dialogue. I also believe that had I decided to do this project in say downtown Denver no one would have paid any attention to me or at least minimally.
As my daughter and I drove away she asked me how could people be so cruel. You see it was challenging for her to witness people judge her mother...and to not say anything or stand up for me. I was ready to shower and scrub clean when we got home and I did...a hot melt your skin shower. That night as I made dinner my daughter came into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around me and said..."Mom, I don't know how people can be so mean." It turns out that this project impacted both of us pretty profoundly and I hope the lessons will never be lost on us.
Please...the next time you see someone who doesn't fit your idea of normal....give them a chance, you may be surprised.
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