The Comparison Curse

It seems to be a curse that we women bare….we can’t seem to help ourselves. I first noticed this when I had my first child. There where the following “camps”…

Workout while Pregnant VS no-workouts while Pregnant

Natural Childbirth VS Medicated Childbirth

Home Birth VS Hospital Birth

Breastfeed VS Formula feed

Stay home VS Work

The first time that I was actually guilty of comparisons happened while I was on the job. I was in the break-room having lunch with a co-worker who was also a dear friend.  A new employee walked passed us in the break room and my friend and I looked at each other and at the same exact time said, “SKINNY BITCH!” She was taller, thin, had perky boobs, and dressed in a sexy professional way.  I had instantly compared myself to her and found myself lacking. Ironically, she became a good friend to both of us and I treasured her for a long time. (and still do even though we don’t talk anymore)

It turns out that women of any age, socio-economic status, ability, fitness level are susceptible to this curse.

Case in point: A beautiful woman that we know who is a trainer and is a delight to be around; felt out of place because she perceived that the others present were more beautiful and more talented. I felt so bad for her and I could not put her comments out of my mind.

How does this happen? Why does this happen? 

You never hear a man say, “That dude is better looking than me!” or “Wow, why do I even bother working out when that guy looks like that!?” or “Some men are just so lucky to have been able to go that school….have that job…live in that house…have that wife.” In variably, a man will take the attitude that he is damn good-looking, damn smart, and damn hard working, damn built, damn whatever he sets his mind to. Sure, occasionally “we” laugh at the seemingly arrogant persona but what if instead of laughing, we not only accepted their positive attitudes of themselves but actually adopted those attitudes ourselves?   

What would happen if we celebrated our sisters in their successes and trumpeted our own? What if we delighted in our sisters’ beauty and recognized our own? What if we were excited for job successes (those who chose to master the home front or those who work within the job front) and acknowledged our own successes?

If we started consciously behaving this way towards our sisters and toward ourselves - imagine the change that would happen in the world and within our souls!  No longer would we sit in judgment of another woman, no longer would the media have the opportunity to jump on a “cat-fight”. No longer would we set ourselves up for failure.  We would have peace and calm within.

I hope you join me in taking a stand against comparisons to others….

I will no longer compare my abilities, talents and gifts to another woman, I will compare my progress to myself and ask “Did I do more, be more, and strive for more?”

Will you?? 

Rehabbing a Recovery Anorexic who is Recovering from what was a Life threatening illness

Rehabbing a Recovery Anorexic who is Recovering from what was a Life threatening illness.
No, I am not making this up and no, it’s not the next plot of your newest Monday night sitcom. 

It’s the story of my life.

January saw me celebrating the one year anniversary of surviving (beating) anorexia. March saw me battling an illness that nearly took my life. July sees me feeling frustrated. Why, you ask? I am so glad you did….

You see anorexia is about serious control issues. And for me, body imagine issues….I see things not as they are. It’s not about models in magazines that are photo shopped thin, not about trying to look like someone. Pure, simple, unadulterated, control!  Anorexia (like other food issues) is an addiction. And my replacement addiction is exercise. Not the kind of exercise that leaves me exhausted, unable to move or live. But rather the “I like how, now that I am feeding my body the nutrients it needs to thrive, I can do all the things I've always wanted to do. Run, bike, row, lift weights, and developing the body that I find sexy, toned, tight and ready for what life throws at me!

Surviving March left me weak, easily fatigued, unable to do what I was doing prior to March. Not being able to do what I was able to do in the gym has made us (my Champion and I) has brought to light that we have to be very careful that the anorexia doesn't flair again. We have talked about it and are paying attention to the signs and symptoms. Because I am so neurotic when it comes, to food, training and the scale, I have once again had to become so accountable to my Champion, that he knows about everything that happens with or to my body everyday….(yet, he loves me).  

Rehabbing this Recovery Anorexic who is Recovering from what was a Life threatening illness looks like this:

2 ounces of Aloe Vera

2 dropfuls of B-complex

1 teaspoon of zinc

1 Biotin tablet

Every morning I am drinking this shot, it gives me chills…not the good kind of chills. I am drinking almost 100 ounces of water with electrolytes daily. I am working a plan to get the key nutrients every day. I say working because the protein and carb piece of this puzzle is still a struggle, I am totally good with the fruits and veggies!! We have come up with a workout plan that does not allow me to over-do it because the part of me that says “your body can’t” is broken.  Case in point: yesterday a 12 mile hike….my body is screaming at me and last night I ask, as I am hobbling, “Ok, tomorrow should I plan on a rest day or should I get in the gym and do something?” And rest , sleep you know is very restorative….and perhaps even more critical for someone who is in recovery. Perhaps the most elusive element at this point for me is patience and kindness to my soul, not beating myself up because I can’t do something, I was doing before or even worse when I am so fatigued that I can’t do a workout, oh the things I say to myself.....

I don’t want to be weak. I want to be strong. I want to be healthy. I want to do more, be more. I want to survive and thrive to my fullest potential.

And so the journey of Rehabbing this Recovery Anorexic who is Recovering from what was a Life threatening illness continues. 

Most Holy of Holy Places

It struck me yesterday as we were sitting at 12,000 feet near the pristine waters of Lake Dorothy which is created from the snow melt. This place was simple and divine perfection. Sitting on the ground, breathing in the thin, cool air…it just doesn't get any more spiritually pure than this….no man made traditions, no man made hatred, no man made intolerance, no man made hypocrisy.

 The pure air, the pure ground, the pure water, the pure growth was simply surrounding us and we were her guests. I was connected to the earth in a way that surpassed understanding, I felt grounded, alive, content. As we made our way down the mountain I could see the energy in the air and feel it reverberate from the trees, I was a guest, an honored guest in this most high place and I was rewarded deeply with the world’s love in return.  

My wish for the world is that “we” could treat her with the respect and dignity that she deserves. You see, the world is really a sanctuary, the most holy of holy places, no building or man can compare to what simply is.  My part B wish is that those who wish to take part in the treasures that the world has to offer do so respectfully, kindly and graciously to those around them and to the offerings the world is begging to share.  

Living My Truth

I have spent a lifetime NOT sharing what is on my mind, in my heart or soul….

(Yes, sometimes I spew….but that is not normal or healthy and it is not usually done in love and what is not done in love is wrong.)

This lifetime of silence has led to some serious energy blockages in particular the chakra of my throat.
This lifetime of silence has led me to be a victim more than once and to have even embraced this “victimhood”  after all its what I know.

This lifetime of silence has led me to believe that what I have to say is not worthy to be spoken.

This lifetime of silence has led to be that no one would actually think that what I have to say is interesting and meaningful.

After having a very insightful conversation last night with my Champion I have come to the understanding that in spite of my claims that I am an authentic human and genuine in life, love and soul; by default I am living a life of hypocrisy.

I detest hypocrisy….In my book there is nothing worse the hypocrisy. I believe it is a cancer of the soul. The hypocritical person is not a whole and healthy person. I also detest living by default; it is no way to live and is actually very cowardly.

I have worked to release the energy to free my voice and I will continue.

I will no longer be a victim but a survivor.

I will choose my words and thoughts carefully so that when they are spoken they will be filled with value.

I will believe that my spoken and written thoughts will be interesting and meaningful to whoever needs to hear them.

I will STOP being the hypocrite of my own life! I will STOP living by default!

You may not like my truth. My truth may hurt your feelings. My truth may go against your religion, morals or politics. My truth will never be intended to hurt you but you may feel a prick of pain. My truth may build you up. My truth may shed a new or different light. My truth may not be what want you to hear but that is OK…..

The bottom line is; My Truth is MY TRUTH. I will no longer hide from it or from myself. I will not be ashamed to share my truth.