Rehabbing a Recovery Anorexic who is Recovering from what was a Life threatening illness

Rehabbing a Recovery Anorexic who is Recovering from what was a Life threatening illness.
No, I am not making this up and no, it’s not the next plot of your newest Monday night sitcom. 

It’s the story of my life.

January saw me celebrating the one year anniversary of surviving (beating) anorexia. March saw me battling an illness that nearly took my life. July sees me feeling frustrated. Why, you ask? I am so glad you did….

You see anorexia is about serious control issues. And for me, body imagine issues….I see things not as they are. It’s not about models in magazines that are photo shopped thin, not about trying to look like someone. Pure, simple, unadulterated, control!  Anorexia (like other food issues) is an addiction. And my replacement addiction is exercise. Not the kind of exercise that leaves me exhausted, unable to move or live. But rather the “I like how, now that I am feeding my body the nutrients it needs to thrive, I can do all the things I've always wanted to do. Run, bike, row, lift weights, and developing the body that I find sexy, toned, tight and ready for what life throws at me!

Surviving March left me weak, easily fatigued, unable to do what I was doing prior to March. Not being able to do what I was able to do in the gym has made us (my Champion and I) has brought to light that we have to be very careful that the anorexia doesn't flair again. We have talked about it and are paying attention to the signs and symptoms. Because I am so neurotic when it comes, to food, training and the scale, I have once again had to become so accountable to my Champion, that he knows about everything that happens with or to my body everyday….(yet, he loves me).  

Rehabbing this Recovery Anorexic who is Recovering from what was a Life threatening illness looks like this:

2 ounces of Aloe Vera

2 dropfuls of B-complex

1 teaspoon of zinc

1 Biotin tablet

Every morning I am drinking this shot, it gives me chills…not the good kind of chills. I am drinking almost 100 ounces of water with electrolytes daily. I am working a plan to get the key nutrients every day. I say working because the protein and carb piece of this puzzle is still a struggle, I am totally good with the fruits and veggies!! We have come up with a workout plan that does not allow me to over-do it because the part of me that says “your body can’t” is broken.  Case in point: yesterday a 12 mile hike….my body is screaming at me and last night I ask, as I am hobbling, “Ok, tomorrow should I plan on a rest day or should I get in the gym and do something?” And rest , sleep you know is very restorative….and perhaps even more critical for someone who is in recovery. Perhaps the most elusive element at this point for me is patience and kindness to my soul, not beating myself up because I can’t do something, I was doing before or even worse when I am so fatigued that I can’t do a workout, oh the things I say to myself.....

I don’t want to be weak. I want to be strong. I want to be healthy. I want to do more, be more. I want to survive and thrive to my fullest potential.

And so the journey of Rehabbing this Recovery Anorexic who is Recovering from what was a Life threatening illness continues.