Journey

I decided to start this blog as way to work through my life's journey and thought processes regarding it. Mostly this blog will focus on what I am learning about myself, my screw-ups and triumphs. Occasionally, the people who are in my world will make an appearance but only in the way that they have affected my journey.We only have one chance to do our life and I want to do my life with as much purpose as possible.

I am struggling with some things right now, self respect, self forgiveness, implementing the lessons I have learned, thus far. Self respect, for me has been an interesting and challenging concept for me. I thought I was respecting myself turns out I am willing to sell myself out if I know it will "help" someone else. My plan in correcting this self destructive behavior is to know/state/write/tell people; what it is I need to do and stick with my plan no matter what, taking care of myself before I take care of others. Additionally, I will establish my boundaries with people and when I need to tighten my "circle" to protect me, I will. I will not be afraid to voice my thoughts and opinions. Self forgiveness, is one of the most difficult aspects of the human journey, I believe. Yes, things happen to us and sometimes we allow people in our lives who tear us down and abuse us, (I am thinking of past relationships) but isn't there a certain amount of responsibility on the oppressed party to remove herself from the situation? Then there are the things I say and do that hurt people. Why do I continue to do these things, why can I not learn, does this mean I am really not sorry for my behavior? Oh, I hope not! That leads to more harmful thoughts as I think of all that I am ruining. How can I forgive myself for this? I read something today that to forgive is not to forget but to make peace with it and to move on....I am ready to make peace with myself....(I think). The lessons I have learned that I continue to have to learn I will process over the next several days. The one I am mediating on right now is "being still". Stilling my mind and my emotions and my body and my mouth. I will let you know if I am successful or not.