Wednesday, October 12, 2011

It will be what it will be

I am a hard headed, stubborn learner.... Some of the most basic concepts in human relationships and interactions, I am struggle with and I hate that weakness within myself. 


The lesson that I said I most wanted to concentrate on "being still", is completely foreign to me. Today and the rest of the week it is this and one other lesson that will be the focus of my journey. 


To be still:  
As a verb; to make or become still 
As an adjective; not moving or making a sound
As a noun; deep silence and calm

As a Synonym:
verb.  calm - soothe - quiet - lull - 
adjective.  quiet - calm - tranquil - peaceful -
noun.  silence - quiet - calm - hush - quietness

Ohhh....to live that...I crave those very things. My true desire in this life is to live in tranquillity and peace, to feel calm and soothed in my soul. 


Now on to the lesson that is beyond difficult and I seem incapable of comprehending: Basically, it is "Shut the F**k up" lesson. It means to be quiet and to listen. Why, is this so difficult for me to do? Oh I could give you all my reasons and excuses, but its not important and it truly doesn't matter


To listen:
As a verb; to pay attention to sound, heed, to attentively wait for sound


I love that...."to attentively wait for sound".... I truly want to attentively wait for sound of my loves voice as he shares with me. It almost sounds as if that line could come from a sonnet of love lost. But I am now aware that hearing and listening are entirely different. One can hear without listening. I am learning to love by listening, paying attention, heeding, attentively waiting.


And the one thing that ties both of these things together is Reverence.
To Revere; To regard with awe, deference, and devotion.


To which I am guilty of not having done completely, openly, and honestly. Sure, I get some of it right some of the time...but is that enough? Would that be enough for me....I would say no.


As I go about this life's journey this week...I feel weak and desperate. I do believe that if one and then the other is learned and practiced, I will feel peace and calmness, therefore; I will feel stronger, more confident. As someone very important in my life just told me... Relax... it will be what it will be.

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